Twitter Atwitter with Doom and Gloom

Shannon Quill opens up her Twitter account one afternoon to find Twitter atwitter. All the tweets are ominous. Tweets outlining some unknown tragedy. Shannon scrolls and scrolls but can not find the exact details of the event. Billy Eichner tweets “THIS IS LIFE NOW!” Shannon chuckles but is unable to draw any conclusions from this tweet. She searches her mind’s appendix of the past few hundred tragedies that have occurred in the last two days, all dates prior too hard to access from the constant barrage of scandalous bullshit. Corrupt and pointless bullshit. She can’t pinpoint a concrete reason so she continues to excavate.

A congressman from somewhere tweets, “we are all Americans this day.”

“Oh no, this most be really bad.” The call for unity sent chills down her spine. Shannon decides to look up a few alt-right twitter handles to see if she could graph a line with the scatterplot of thoughts on her homepage. After the #MAGA results pour in she encounters an avatar of an American flag high-fiving a bald eagle.

“Freedom isn’t free #falseflag.”

“What the fuck happened! Why can’t someone just actually post what happened?” Checking the ‘tweets she may have missed’ section she stumbles across a Buzzfeed. This could be great journalism or a quiz. “Finally,” she thinks right before she reads the post.

“Which Jane Austen character is this tragedy?”

“Fuck! That’s intentionally vague and insensitive. Does anyone actually even know what happened?” She digressed in her mind about how Jane Austen is misread, how her novels aren’t seen for the satire that they are and how they are reduced to costume drama. “If I wanted to hurt myself I would have logged into Facebook.” Shannon lays her head down on her desk and places her phone face down. A menagerie of blood, death, and Trump danced around in her head. He had tweeted about a photo that was published by CBS of himself with a bagel and how that particular bagel was exceedingly large, very sad, and that in addition to making his hands look small this particular bagel may have ties to Russia and why wasn’t that being investigated and so forth. A rare intellect indeed thought Shannon.

Shannon decides to check her app one last time. AP News tweets “it’s all over and everyone is dead.” After the initial shock wares off along with how it couldn’t be entirely true, wasn’t she someone? Shannon thinks that with the freeing up of her schedule now she should do something for her. She scrolls through the last remaining tweets of humanity as the sounds of dragons, winter, and screams blanket her apartment.


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