You’ve probably noticed the news has been absent of any coverage of war, death, or destruction. Before boredom overtakes you, this is the recent result of a song that was released last Friday by Phil Collins. The name is so powerfully blinding it will not be etched here. All copies have been pressed into old Mariah Carey 45’s. Once it hit the airwaves soldiers all across the world put down their guns. Researchers also cite a large viral movement of holier than though sharing and one-upmanship help spread the music that healed the hearts of humanity.
“I first heard it after my Bing search for lions and kings.” Stated a former ruthless dictator from a country that’s located somewhere. “I immediately disarmed all of the nuclear warheads, death squads, and goon patrols. Mr. Collins has taught me that I don’t need to torture my people to be happy.” Western world leaders refused to comment and were heard mumbling.
The sweeping string arrangement, from the creator of such hits like Easy Lover, through out the piece has caused masses of people to weep uncontrollably for the beauty of life. “I’ve heard God and their name is Phil Collins. I mean, he was in Genesis. He was Genesis! That’s enough for my ethnocentric view of the world to come to this conclusion.” Stated a person that would not stop calling us.
However you categorize the former bongo player on one song off of George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass album, this musical number has ended all disease, famine, and heartbreak. Speaking the lyrics has even been shown to cure burn victims. Everyone on Earth has resolved all of their problems after realizing the true meaning of life, which I don’t need to re-iterate here.